REVIEW: Super Nintendo World, Universal Studios Japan

All information accurate at time of visit, October 2022

The entrance to Super Nintendo World.
Let’s-a go!

Since the original announcement that the Osaka outpost of Universal Studios would host the very first Super Nintendo World, video game fans around the world have been patiently waiting to make their next or first visit to Japan to time with its launch. Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of Mario and Zelda, has often been cited as the Walt Disney of video games, more down to the fact that mainstream press needed a handy soundbite to describe him in terms their audience could understand than a direct Mario vs Mickey comparison. But if we follow the Disney parallel to its inevitable conclusion, a theme park version of Super Mario Land/World (delete where applicable) is in many ways a long time coming.

However, since the 90’s and the likes of the Super Mario Bros live-action film and infamous Philips CD-I spin-offs, Nintendo have been far more cautious of teaming up with external partners when it comes to realising their IPs in other mediums or on other formats. But in recent years, there has been a gradual thawing in Nintendo’s approach, from mobile games to cross-overs, but exemplified most notably through its team up with Universal. The Super Nintendo World/Universal Studios project goes hand-in-hand with the animated Super Mario Bros Movie, created by Minions-maker Illumination. It was through Super Nintendo World that Miyamoto met the animation studio, co-owned by Universal. The movie’s release date delay from December 2022 to April 2023 coincides with the first Super Nintendo World outside of Japan, opening at Universal Studios Hollywood next year. It just so happens that an early example of a Nintendo and Universal Studios team-up took place in The Wizard, a strange cross-country road movie/extended commercial for the NES, famous for its Power Glove cameo and finale set at a video game tournament at Universal Studios, complete with chase sequence around the King Kong monorail and grand reveal of Super Mario Bros. 3 for the first time in the West.

With Nintendo HQ based in Kyoto, not much more than an hour train’s ride away from the theme park, Universal Studios Japan (USJ) in Osaka made perfect sense as a location. The grand opening of Super Nintendo World though would take place in February 2021, during the Covid-19 pandemic, with international travel to Japan all but impossible. The Nintendo characters ordinarily welcoming arrivals through posters and signage displayed around Osaka’s Kansai International Airport greeted next to no one. The vast majority of fans outside of the country had to make do with local-based vlogger, bloggers and journalists to provide their first glimpses of the attractions and experiences. And so Super Nintendo World remained a dream for many for that little bit longer.

Mario and Luigi performers in their iconic outfits with a question mark block.
Let’s-a go, just not quite yet.

My own (unrelated business) visit to Japan had been booked for October 2022 with expectations that tight visa requirements and Covid safety controls would be in place. Then in September, the news I had been waiting for: an announcement that a week before my arrival, restrictions would be eased. A major obstacle on my road to Super Nintendo World has been removed just in time. But there was something else in the way: USJ’s confounding ticketing system.  At time of booking, the only payment method available on the international website was via Apple Pay. My attempts at purchasing a ticket via the Japan website, which would accept credit cards, seemed to be making steady progress: registering my information, adding the Universal Studio Pass in the basket, selecting the date and time of my visit. However, while the site would accept my UK address details to register my account, a mandatory Japan prefecture field for my billing address meant I could proceed no further. Enlisting the services of my wife, the only Apple-product user in the household, would be necessary, and tickets were finally successfully bought, with e-tickets issued via QR codes and, thankfully, not tied to a specific name or ID either.

As part of the complicated ticketing process, I opted for a Universal Studio 1-Day Pass for ¥8900. However, entry into Super Nintendo World is timed-entry only, and while you can purchase a timed-entry ticket while in the park on the day, its popularity can mean you might only be able to access the area later in the day, experience much longer queues, or possibly miss out entirely. I therefore opted for a Express Pass add-on, which nearly doubled by total ticket price at ¥7800. But if I was only going to have one shot, I wanted to make the most of it. My add-on ticket included a specific timed entry to Super Nintendo World at 10.20am, as well as timed fast track for Mario Kart: Koopa’s Challenge, the main ride in Super Nintendo World. As it was October, it was also Halloween Horror Nights with additional themed attractions, parades and monsters roaming after dark, a popular time especially for teens and students to visit and dress up in costume. As such, I also got express entry for Universal Monsters: Legends of Horror, with the likes of Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, and The Wolfman (which I didn’t get round to), Cult of Chucky (a horror house with the possessed murderous doll terrorising a mental asylum, and us punters), and Biohazard: The Extreme+, inspired by the Resident Evil 2 remake with both a Leon and Claire “route”, in which you are chased around Raccoon Police Department by zombies and lickers, lunged at by Mr. X, and gun down a rampaging bioweapon. As a fan of the survival horror series, it was fun stuff.

Not less than 48 hours since I landed in Japan, the moment had arrived. A heady combination of jetlag and the kind of excitement usually reserved for kids the night before Christmas meant I was operating on maybe four out of forty winks. Blue skies and blazing sunshine greeted me as I took the subway to Universal City. I knew I was heading in the right direction as dozens of fellow park-goers boarded, already in Mario mode, wearing the iconic plumbers’ hats, Princess crowns and Bowser headpieces. I arrived a little after its 9am opening, tired from the lack of sleep, sweaty from the heat, but thrilled to be there. With an hour or so before I could be admitted into Super Nintendo World itself, I killed time with the Spider-Man 4D ride, took a wrong turn and ended up in Hogwarts, and made a mental note of the surrounding stores where I could pick up some sweet merch later.

Super Nintendo World itself is located in a far corner of the park, next to the Waterworld live show – still going strong. As you make your approach, staff greet you to check your timed entry ticket and then launch into their catchphrase of the day where you are obliged to join them at every opportunity with a fist raised up and a hearty “Let’s A-Go!”. As with the Happiest Place on Earth, the Super Nintendo World staff did everything they could to make sure you had the best time possible, offering to take photographs, going out of their way to assist you and explain, and complimenting me on my floral face-mask and (unofficial) Game Boy t-shirt.

The walk to the entry is paved with familiar pixel font charting your distance, the noise of coins starts ringing out around you. And then behold – a giant green warp pipe. Thankfully, its horizontal for ease of access, though a set of smaller vertical pipes you can appear to emerge from are available for photo-ops. The journey through the warp pipe is simple but effective, green strips of light stream above you and the classic warp sound adds to the experience. You emerge in a familiar foyer, Princess Peach’s Castle a la Super Mario 64. To your left and right, lenticular paintings of Bob-Omb Battlefield and Tiny-Huge Island. A stained-glass window of the Princess herself above. You step out through the Castle doors, blinking into the light. You have arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom.

The Super Nintendo World area, with recreations of landscape and enemies and buildings from the game series, against a blue sky.
Mushroom Kingdom, here we come!

Even having looked at footage of Super Nintendo World from afar, nothing could have quite prepared me for just how magical this first moment would be. Having grown up with Nintendo, having owned and played every system from the NES onwards, Mario a constant presence in my life since my early childhood, to see a moving, living, large-scale version of this video game world is incredible. The area itself is not all that massive, but through forced perspective and basing the main areas across two levels, connected via large staircases, it creates a big impression. Though no doubt helped by enjoying a bright blue sky on the day of my visit (not that clouds don’t appear in the Mario games, they just tend to have eyes), the colourful hills and blocks and coins and enemies that comprise the landscape of Super Nintendo World looked vibrant and vivid. The attention to detail is remarkable: the motion of the coins spinning, the Goombas and shells moving back and forth, the Piranha Plants biting and bobbing their heads, all impeccably realised. It also dawned on me at that moment just how much the Mario world is the perfect fit for Universal’s own Magic Kingdom, with its castles, dungeons and forests evoking Disney’s enchanted lands.

A world that looks like it comes straight from a video game is one thing, but a world you can interact with and play with as if it were a game itself is another matter altogether. Super Nintendo World’s USP and at the forefront of its marketing strategy is the idea that “We Are Mario”, and this is represented through the Power-Up Band. When purchasing my ticket and timed entry to Super Nintendo World online, there was the option to pre-order one for collection at the park, but no matter how many times or methods I tried, I could never add it to my basket. However, I needn’t have worried, as stalls around the entry to Super Nintendo World had plenty on sale in a variety of styles based on the Mario characters. At a cost of ¥3,800 each, on top of my Day pass and Express Pass Ticket, it may seem like an expensive cherry on top of an already pricey cake. And I was initially sceptical about whether it would add anything to the experience, or even work effectively. But in practice, I was genuinely impressed with the Power-Up Band.

Depending on which Power-Up Band you purchase, you are assigned a Team. I was Team Luigi, because of course. By interacting with different elements of Super Nintendo World, completing special challenges and riding attractions, you can collect coins which are added to your personal and team score, and unlock stamps depending on how many times you’ve done a task or how many enemies you hit with shells on the Mario Kart ride, and the like. Coins can be found by simply punching the bottom of question mark blocks throughout the park, or completing mini-games with staff on hand to assist. There are further challenges which are more involved, such as solving a puzzle before a Bob-omb blows up or hitting a Pow block in time to launch a shell out of a pipe. Completing these will add one of three keys to your score. Collect three keys, and you are granted access to a special extra challenge, Bowser Jr, in which you face an on-screen Bowser Jr in a mini clown car, with your silhouette projected beneath. By leaping around and waving your hands, you can dodge projectiles and swat them back his way in order to defeat him. It’s an enjoyable extra and worth collecting the keys for, given those challenges and fun enough in of themselves.

Although there are terminals dotted around Super Nintendo World where you can check your progress, by downloading the USJ app and registering your Power-Up Band, you can keep track of your quests, coins and keys through the app’s Super Nintendo World portal. Free Wi-Fi is available extensively in Super Nintendo World at least, so you won’t have to worry about incurring data roaming charges, so long as you switch your data off as a precaution. Although ultimately your personal and Team scores matter very little and there is no possible way to collect all the stamps in one visit, for those who expect to return, or add a little sportsmanlike competition with friends or family members, or even just to make the most out of what Super Nintendo World has to offer, it comes recommended.

A statue of Bowser in the queue for Mario Kart: Koopa's Challenge.
Welcome to Mario Kart!

The rides themselves though are something of a mixed bag overall. The main attraction is Mario Kart: Koopa’s Challenge. As you enter Bowser’s imposing castle, you are greeted by a statue of the King of the Koopas himself, followed by familiar Kart trophies on display. Venturing deeper into the castle, you encounter a library of Kart techniques and tracks and a workshop creating items, before being ushered into the Mario Kart TV studios where Lakitu and staff outline how to play the ride through Mii-starring video explainers. Everyone is kitted out with a Mario cap-style headset before you are seated in your four-player jumbo-kart. Once aboard, you slot an AR visor into the headset. Through collectively steering the kart with your individual steering wheels, you navigate the track, while buttons on the wheel allow you to use items that you collect as you go. The direction of projectiles is based on where you are looking through the headset – so by looking up, your green shell for example will target enemies above, or looking ahead you can fire away at enemy racers in front. Your aim is to collect 100 coins in total and defeat Bowser and the Koopalings in your race through a medley of courses, culminating in a dazzling Rainbow Road finale.

As exciting as this all sounds, a Mario Kart spin on the excellent 3D Ratatouille ride at Disneyland, it’s a tad underwhelming. The trouble with interactive rides, particularly when shooting targets is involved, is that it swifty descends into a messy free for all. It’s not always clear whether what you are doing as any impact and your items swiftly get depleted in the chaos, leaving you hanging around waiting until you can replenish. Moreover, the awkward mix of AR coins and characters and real-world locations means you’re not entirely concentrating on either and missing out on all the details. It’s probably more fun a second time around, but given the non-Express Pass waiting time rarely dipped below two hours, and I had exhausted my only Express Pass entry which was still a roughly 30-minute wait, meant another go would be off the table this visit. It’s still certainly worth a go during your time at Super Nintendo World, if only for the immersive fun of the queue of all things. But the Mario Kart VR ride I had enjoyed at the (now closed) VR Zone Shinjuku centre a few years previous was a far superior experience.

At least Mario Kart: Koopa’s Challenge offers some thrills. Yoshi’s Adventure is anything but adventurous. Admittedly, as a man in my mid- to late-thirties, I am not the target audience. It is clearly designed for the little ones while the bigger kids are karting. But you would be hard-pressed to find a child who would find the few minutes ride worth the end of a 75-minute wait (based on my experience). The queue itself is pleasant enough for a short while, with Yoshi’s Island and Yoshi’s Story iconography and music from the games piped in. That is until a queue-extending outdoors detour down an unremarkable grey alley, puncturing the magic with a slice of concrete reality. At least just before the ride itself, Toadette, or Kinopiko as she is known in Japan, is there to greet you via video screen. But it is small comfort. Boarding one of the variously coloured Yoshi’s, you trundle along one of the highest hills at the edge of the park, offering at least some nice views at the Mushroom Kingdom below. Yet, apart from a brief moment in a tunnel with Baby Mario escaping Kamek on Yoshi’s back, and a recognisable Mario enemy or Baby Yoshi here and there, there is very little you see on the Yoshi’s Adventure ride that isn’t perfectly visible from anywhere else in the park area. Even the interactive Power-Up Band moments where you have to indicate what colour Yoshi Egg you encounter didn’t seem to function as it should. If your time in Super Nintendo World is limited and you don’t have toddlers in tow, you won’t lose any sleep from having skipped it.

A Question Mark tiramisu, Piranha Plant Caprese salad, Super Star Lemon Squash, Mushroom Pizza Bowl and Kinopio's Cafe napkin.
A classic Plumber’s Lunch.

Aside from the rides and attractions, Super Nintendo World also offers a variety of stores, selling various exclusive items. As is the case throughout, Mario is the predominant theme, though there is not a great deal that feels especially “Super Nintendo World” rather than just plain “Nintendo”, which is a shame. It still didn’t stop me from dropping over ¥15,000 on goodies and gifts, and at least the receipts have a charming red-silhouetted Mario landscape on the reverse. There are kiosks selling theme park standards like popcorn and soda pop in unwieldly looking plastic monstrosities resembling question mark blocks and the like. But those looking for more substantial fare should visit Kinopio’s Café, named after Toad as he is known in Japan, who appears on a video screen as you queue whipping up a range of meals. It’s worth checking out the entrance to the café before you plan on dining, as timed entry tickets are handed out to offset demand, especially at peak eating hours.

The wide-ranging menu offers a variety of mains, sides, desserts and drinks, but I opted primarily for the most Mario-looking items available (sorry, but a burger with a Mario cap just isn’t going to cut it). The Super Mushroom Pizza Bowl is a perfect replica of a Mario mushroom, with a soft doughy top with poppy seed pots, concealing a satisfying mix of tomato, mozzarella, and, of course, mushrooms. The Piranha Plant Caprese Salad is too light for a main, but works well as a side, with a flavourful dressing and fresh ingredients. The Question Block Tiramisu isn’t especially like a tiramisu, but it’s creamy and pleasant enough, with a buttery biscuit exterior. And the Super Star Lemon Squash is refreshing if ordinary and overpriced, with bright gummy chunks like tapioca pearls in the mix. The café itself is more cafeteria style than cosy, but screens on the walls play out a rotating Mushroom village vista which add a little ambience. At ¥4,350 for the lot, it wasn’t the cheapest option, but as theme park food goes, serving thousands of customers a day, it was all tastier than you might expect.

Outside of Super Nintendo World, there were other Mario merchandise and food options available, notably a store and café side by side, centred around the phrase “Whose Cap?”. The designs of the various shirts, stationery and, yes, caps, are nice enough, but the catchphrase raises more questions than the question itself does. It’s a little clunky and doesn’t really have anything to do with Mario and unfortunately adorns everything on the shelves. Better though is the café, a must-go for those in the mood for dessert, selling cap-shaped pancake sandwiches, filled with cream and topped with fruit, in Mario strawberry shortcake or Luigi grape no-bake cheesecake flavours at Y700 a pop. These can be washed down with cream sodas in strawberry, green apple and (Princess) peach flavours for Y600 each. They all looked great and gave a real sugar rush boost of energy to see out the rest of the day out, even if at the time I ordered the standing room café area was for the photo opportunities only, with eating and drinking to be taken outside amongst the chainsaw-wielding maniacs (reminder: it was Halloween Horror Nights).

Overall, I spent around 5 hours in Super Nintendo World alone. Granted, around two hours of which were in queues, and only then with an Express Pass for one of them. Plus, a solid chunk of time browsing and buying in the shops. And a toilet trip (too much information maybe, but aside from some underwater enemy art, don’t expect to be relieving yourself into a warp pipe or anything). I didn’t even get round to the photo opportunities with Mario and Luigi or Princess Peach (even someone in a Toad costume appears from time to time, which couldn’t have been great in the sweltering heat). If you have little interest in Nintendo (and have made it this far through my review), chances are a lot of the magic and wonder of what it has to offer will be lost on you. Or if you like certain Nintendo games but Mario isn’t your thing, you’d come away disappointed too (only a few hidden Pikmin no doubt Miyamoto himself personally placed in the park suggests anything beyond the platforming plumber’s titles). The rides themselves are either fine or for the very young (and at least one suffering grown-up accompanying them). And without the Power-Up Band, you’re missing out on maybe its most appealing activity. If you are happy to bide your time, the Donkey Kong expansion may sweeten the deal when it opens in 2024, promising more interactive areas and a fully-fledged roller-coaster (a mine cart ride perhaps?). It may also be even easier to visit, with the hope Covid rates decline and flights come down in price. And the USA version will also add an additional option into the mix.

But for a Nintendo kid who grew up in the 1980s, I finally had that moment other franchise fans have found in their own theme park visits. To paraphrase Han Solo in The Force Awakens, “Luigi, we’re a-home.”

HaHalloween III: The Final Chapter

“I never tied people up and forced them to read my HaHalloween jokes, and I could’ve ’cause I’m a big guy and I’m good with knots.”

So, it was not my plan to embark on another HaHalloween episode. The barrel had been scraped, the well had run dry…or so we had thought (to be honest, many considered the barrels and wells empty to begin with). And yet, I coudn’t help myself once the puns began to flow. So another thirty-one hallowed days have passed, another thirty-one jokes, quips, and memery flung agains the Twitter wall in the hope anything would stick. Feast yourselves on HaHalloween III: The Final Chapter. Final, you say? Perhaps. Or perhaps more in the fashion of horror movie sequels. With every final chapter, comes a resurrection, reboot or remake…

Q. What’s a dungeon keeper’s favourite song?
A. Chained Melody.

Q. Why was the squire afraid of jousting lances?
A. Because he didn’t like things that go bumping the knight.

Q. How did the Headless Horseman appear to people when he wasn’t really there?
A. He was a Sleepy Hollowgram.

Q. How do you keep screams fresh?
A. Shriek wrap.

Q. Why do people see fewer ghosts nowadays?
A. Because fitted bedsheets are now more commonplace.

FRED

Q. On what audio format is it best to record the eulogy at a funeral?
A. Caskette tape.

Q. Which food critic compiled a guide book of Britain’s best brains?
A. Igor Ronay.

Q. Which is the Blair Witch’s favourite Mercury Prize-winning album?
A. Boy In Da Corner.

My Halloween pumpkin this year is fine, but it can’t hold a candle to last year’s.

Kid: I see dead people.
Bruce Willis: That’s not a sixth sense! Sight is one of the five normal senses, you dummy! Why I am even here?
Kid: …

Q. What do hangmen toast over a bonfire?
A. MarshGallows.

Q. What does Jason Voorhees like to do most today (Friday the 13th) of all days?
A. Hurt teens (Thirteenth).

Q. Which team of mutants led by the Antichrist fought against their more famous rivals in a game of Noughts & Crosses?
A. The O-Men.

Q. What does Batman wear on Halloween?
A. A Bruce Wayne mask.

Q. What is the subtitle of Mary Shelley 2.0’s classic internet novel, “Frankenstein.com”?
A. The Modem Prometheus.

Q. What’s it called when you’re a werewolf but the girl you’re into would rather date a vampire?
A. Getting TwilightZoned.

Q. What does Vincent Price use to look up gay Wiccans in his area?
A. WitchGrindr General.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Ghostbusters.
Ghostbusters who?
Ghostbusters who ya gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
Louder!
Ghostbusters!

Q. In which film is Edward Woodward burned alive in a giant humanoid structure made of chocolate, nougat, caramel and peanuts?
A. The Snickers Man.

Q. Why was the pumpkin embarrassed?
A. His mum walked in on him jacking his lantern.

Q. What do you call a ghost that doesn’t say “Boo”?
A. Shy.

Don’t know what’s so “cool” about dressing as a skeleton for Halloween. Your skeleton wears your dumb flesh and skin as a costume all year round.

Q. What do you call young apprentice executioners?
A. Guilloteens.

Q. How do you quantify the energy content of a candy skull?
A. Kcalavera.

Q. What did Hannibal Lecter have for breakfast?
A. Full English, mid-30s, about 5’10”.

“Um, actually, I think you’ll find garlic has no effect on us, that’s vampires.” – Wolfmansplaining.

Q. Why were AKB48 accused of operating on behalf of Satan?
A. Because the Devil makes work for idol hands.

Q. Who lives in the sewers of Newcastle and preys on the local kids?
A. Penny-wye-aye-se, man.

Q. How do you download a ghost?
A. Through the Apparition Store.

Q. What do you use to conduct a seance in Switzerland?
A. A YesYes Board.

LFF 2017 Wrap-Up: From Blade of the Immortal to Three Billboards…

My film-watching this year has been spotty at best, but I was determined to make the most of the BFI London Film Festival rolling into town to get a head start on a bunch of films coming out in the next few months, in the hope I might be able to catch up on those I already missed in the meantime. Here’s a bunch of short thoughts on all the mostly excellent movies I watched.

Blade of the Immortal / The Killing of a Sacred Deer

Blade of the Immortal (Takashi Miike)

Though book-ended by spectacular multi-man sword-fights, Blade of the Immortal sags somewhat in its episodic middle, as our antihero (garbed in black-and-white, yet even the villains operate in shades of complex grey) encounters bossfight after bossfight, with gradually diminishing enthusiasm. The choppy construction and editing also leaves some head-scratching jumps in time and location that disrupts the flow. But it’s worth sticking through it for flashes of strange, bloody hilarity, and for a climax that has a body count around the 400 mark. No 13 Assassins, mind.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (Yorgos Lanthimos)

Lanthimos’ skilled skewering of social norms was deployed to brilliant effect in his English-language debut, but not even The Lobster could prepare you for the strange, dark avenues he takes us down in The Killing of a Sacred Deer. It’s opening shot is a bold statement – this isn’t going to be pretty. But he manages to make the awkward and uncomfortable incredibly funny, though much of that will depend on whether you’re on the same wavelength (if you didn’t like The Lobster, this isn’t going to change a thing). The stilted dialogue, the removed camera, the matter-of-fact approach to disturbing scenarios, all present and correct. A game cast playing things deadly straight. As before, the best point of comparison would be a feature-length sketch from Chris Morris’ Jam.

It’s tense and disturbing and mysterious. I was grinning throughout.

The Florida Project / Close-Knit

Close-Knit (Naoko Ogigami)

At first, the cheery plinky-plonk piano score that plagues 90% of cutesy-poo Japanese dramedies saw me brace for tedium, but Close-Knit proved me wrong. A delight and a surprise, sensitive, charming and funny that still manages to be quite frank and upfront about how far transgender acceptance has come, but also how far it has to go. As it is viewed through the eyes of a child (wonderfully played by Rinka Kakihara), it is simple and gently told, though just because it’s not a heavy “issues” drama doesn’t mean it shies away from anger and sadness – indeed, it makes those moments all the more emotionally powerful (a few moments had me verging on blubbing). That it generally plays things broad and safe shouldn’t be held against it, this has potential to be a crowd-pleaser that may in turn change perspectives of those who would not ordinarily seek out LGBT fare, including families and kids. It’s the kind of film that should be shown in schools, and I mean that in the best possible way.

The Florida Project (Sean Baker)

Moonee and Scooty: great rebel icons of cinema history.

They go on adventures. They get into all kinds of scrapes. They fly in the face of authority. They talk back to grown-ups. Particularly Willem Dafoe, who spends most of the film exasperated by everything and everyone, but his firmness comes from a place of kindness. He’s great.

It is all very very funny, and though there is a universality in its portrayal of childhood, it gives a snapshot of a world of which I’m unfamiliar that feels authentic without judgment, warm and uplifiting without shying away from the rough edges.

The bittiness of the kids’ escapades and encounters, and Halley’s “no fucks given” atittude, means that my patience and sympathies were somewhat tested by the end of it’s running time. There was clearly too much gold to keep from us, and it would’ve risked someone’s favourite line being cut, but a good 15-20 mins cut out would’ve kept the energy up and my enthusiasm for the characters and their situation in check.

But if you don’t come away from it feeling that Moonee is some kind of hero, then you’re dead inside.

You Were Never Really Here / The Shape of Water

You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsay)

A harrowing take on the hitman thriller, that has elements of Leon and A History of Violence, but is very much its own beast. Joaquin Phoenix dominates, a physical force to be reckoned with, but suicidally depressive, suffering deep mental trauma, scars internal and external. This is aggressive film-making – flashbacks tear through the present with a jolt, brutal violence leaves you wincing if you can even bear to look, and Jonny Greenwood’s pulsing, swirling, juddering score combine to create a real assault on the senses. Its lean running time is to its credit; any longer and it might be all too much to take. But boy howdy is it something.

The Shape of Water (Guillermo Del Toro)

Once more, Del Toro invites us to take a swim through his myriad genre interests, but The Shape of Water is just the sum of its parts, nothing more, nothing less.

Though it does a decent job of marrying a modern fairy tale with Cold War intrigue, for all its visual magic wonder, it feels oddly hollow, Del Toro caught up in the aesthetic trappings, boo-hiss villains and sudden, bloody violence, but unable to really sell the central chemistry, no easy feat between a mute and man in a rubber suit, despite the best efforts of Sally Hawkins. It’s surprisingly stronger as a comedy than you might expect, and it embraces and accepts the weirdness of its tale.

Meanwhile, Michael Shannon plays the “Michael Shannon” role. Octavia Spencer plays the “Octavia Spencer” role. It’s Richard Jenkins who is the real reason to watch though – if the film’s heart is anywhere, it lies with him. Someone get that guy a merman to love.

Ghost Stories / Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

Ghost Stories (Andy Nyman, Jeremy Dyson)

A successful transition from stage to screen, that manages to capture some of the energy of live performance and theatrical craft with its intense atmosphere and strong performances. In some ways a throwback to the horror anthologies of yesteryear, though it’s certainly more of a complete piece than just a smattering of unrelated shorts like so many recent takes on the format. There are loud noises and shocks and jump scares to appeal to the Friday night popcorn crowd, as well as some lovely silly humour to break the tension just a touch, but the lasting impression it leaves you with is its haunting imagery and ideas that are hard to shake.

Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri (Martin McDonagh)

McDonagh’s best film yet, with all the offensive dialogue you’ve come to expect (this is Trigger Warning: The Movie, folks), but more rounded, textured and emotionally rich than before. There’s a maturity and a sense of purpose here, just with lots of fruity, laugh out loud lines layered on top. You believe the characters, their behaviour, their actions (depiction isn’t endorsement, remember), and you get caught up in the machinations of small town America the way you would one of them “slice of life” podcasts you get these days.

Goes without saying Frances McDormand is top-tier, and this is further proof that Sam Rockwell is maybe the best actor working today to still not receive a major acting award nomination (correct me if I’m wrong), but the film is stuffed with good turns all round. Pretty dang great.

Nintendo Switch UK Premiere: Thoughts and Impressions

I was lucky enough to attend the Nintendo Switch UK premiere at the Hammersmith Apollo in London, a chance to get hands-on with the new Nintendo console for the first time, marrying a home device with a portable one (as evidenced by the entry corridor displaying both arms of Nintendo’s console timeline on either side, merging into one with Switch). I’m just going to talk about my experiences on the day and with the machine, rather than get in depth about pricing, Nintendo’s strategy, whether it will be a success or failure. All I’ll say is that I rarely ever get a console at launch (except for the NES Mini!) as it usually takes a few months for them to bed in, and I have plenty of games to be getting on with. Much will depend on whether I can resist the charms of Splatoon 2 come its summer launch, hence why it was the first game I rushed to once the gates were open.

Welcome to the Splatzone

Welcome to the Splatzone

Fans of Splatoon will be entirely at home with Splatoon 2. I played with the Pro Controller and the in-built gyro worked perfectly in replicating the motion controls of the Gamepad. I used the new dual pistol weapons which were really nicely done, with the special jetpack really fun to play around with, getting some juicy airborne strikes. The only thing to adjust to is the need to bring up the map with X in order to check your progress and jump to your team-mates. It’s an extra step and might force you to be more tactical, interrupting the flow of gameplay whereas a quick glance was fine first time round, but it will become familiar with practice. It’s apparently set 2 years after the first game, according to the helper at the stand, which would indicate some story mode is retained, which is a comfort. And the ability to play local multiplayer with fellow Switch holders as well as online is good thing indeed. Of course, Splatoon was mainly about online play, so we’ll have to see if the sequel has the same take-up given Switch owners will have to pay for online access this time.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was up next, and what we got to try was the intro to the game. Seeing other players wandering off in multiple directions within the 20 minutes or so play-time showed that even in the opening area (representing 2% of the entire map), there was much to explore and get stuck into. I fannied about a bit too much to make much progress, and mixed up buttons a fair bit, but I enjoyed the style and presentation and it seemed like offering much in terms of story and set-pieces as well as general larking around. Having been using the Pro Controller, we switched to the handheld set-up, and I was impressed with how crisp and bright and clear the screen was, something that could not be said of the screen on the Wii U gamepad. The button placement in relation to the right hand control stick was an issue, making it hard to hop your thumb between commands without rubbing up against the “look” stick, so I imagine the dedicated home experience with a Pro Controller will still be the ideal way to play. It’s been a while since I played a mainline Zelda instalment (i.e. not a 3DS spin-off), with Majora’s Mask probably the last one I properly had a go at (and that I didn’t even finish), but I’m determined to give Breath of the Wild a try, though I’ll be doing so on Wii U (hey, if Gamecube copies of Twilight Princess were anything to go by, could be a sound investment).

Breath of the WITCH?

Breath of the WITCH?

I also had a brief turn on Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, racing with eight-player local multiplayer on handhelds, which was much the same as online play, complete with lobby filled with Miis selecting which course to try (we ended up with Baby Park, natch!). At least got to play as Inkling Boy and Girl and their new themed vehicles. For the updated battle mode, we played on the Splatoon themed stage, which seemed like fun, but this time playing on the dinky screen and using the Joy Con (inserted into one of those plastic steering wheels) made it a little tricky to manouevre as well as to make out your opponents. But on the big screen or handheld, it’d probably work out fine. As I already own Mario Kart 8 on Wii U, I can’t imagine the extras will be enough to justify purchasing again, it will just depend on online support for the Wii U version and how long that lasts and if I need the portablity.

Super Bomberman R remains a mystery in terms of what the R stood for (Revival? Remix? Retro? Romberman?), R just being one of those cool suffixes added to video game titles to make them seem cool, like X or Z. But any generation feels like it’s missing something if it doesn’t have a Bomberman title, and given the franchise’s long history with Nintendo and surviving the demise of Hudson, it’s a pleasure seeing it make a comeback, and as a launch title of all things (not that there’s much competition currently shown). And in many ways, the Switch is perfect for it, a portable gaming machine that encourages local competitive play. The core gameplay remains much the same, combining elements of past iterations into a refined and still entertaining whole. With added story mode and up to 8 players (if you can find them), its combination of cuteness and destruction continues to shine. It was also my first game played with a single Joy-Con and on the screen, and a simple game liked Bomberman worked fine with the miniature controller (the size isn’t much of an issue, being around the width of a smartphone, but a more complex game like Ultra Street Fighter II – which I didn’t play – may be more of a challenge). The tiddly screen was a bit squinty, so it’d better suited for a few rounds on the go than extended tournaments, but it worked well.

The only other third party game I played was a quick session of Just Dance 2017, and as someone who doesn’t tend to play these kind of dance games, it was fun. The track I played involved some unexpected dance moves, including circling my dancing partner, and lots of cute graphics – I sadly didn’t get to play as the blob. It all seemed to work pretty well, proving that Nintendo still remain commited to motion controls and that the legacy of the Wii still casts a shadow. It may not be at the top of anyone’s Switch wish list – or Switchlist, if you will – but the Just Dance series feels most at home on a Nintendo console, and it’ll be as decent an iteration as there’ll be available.

In that vein, 1-2-Switch seems the most obvious play at trying to engage with the “never play games but bought a Wii” crowd. In fact, the first game we played involved striking a dance pose and having to mirror the other player. But one of us properly messed up and still won, so how forgiving it is was not clear. We tried our hand at most of the games available, with Safe Crack and Ball Count offering impressive displays of the HD Rumble, but only time will tell how this would actually apply to other games beyond neat little gimmicks (and Ball Count suffering from showing each player’s guesses to the number of balls in the imaginary box they are holding, off-setting your own decision somewhat). Once we got a hand of it, the much-anticipated cow-milking game probably offered the most amusement, but that’s probably as much down to the bizarre concept ripe with innuendo as actual gameplay. All the mini-games last seconds, which is the case as well with the WarioWare or NES Remix games, so there’s past form, though the generic stock-photo art-style means it lacks character, even if it’s a somewhat cynical way of not alienating non-Nintendo fanboys (in fact, we came up with a suggestion that they could’ve made the whole game Wild West themed and at least added a weird angle to the activities – as well as stealing Red Dead Redemption 2‘s thunder!). It’s hard to imagine it will live past the first few months of the console’s lifespan once more games are released (as of yet it is unclear just how many minigames are featured, but I’d hope for at least 50 or so), but if you are a kid trying to justify your parent’s buying you yet another gaming device, it’s your best bet to convince them.

If Splatoon was the unexpected highlight of the Wii U, an original IP that looked somewhat silly at first but ended up being my favourite game on the console, then Arms would seem to heading in that direction. Though there are similarities to the Wii’s rebooted Punch-Out, there’s a bit more going on here while never feeling too complicated, making it easier to avoid resorting to flailing hands (the motion control version of button mashing) and asking you to pay a bit more attention to your actions and those of your opponent. But the character designs and arenas are charming and imaginative, and there seems to be a lot of opportunity for bright, colourful world-building to surround the surprisingly deep gameplay. I had a really good time with it, and the bumper number of set-ups available meant I got to play quite a few rounds and try out the different fighters on offer, and I could feel myself getting better and uncovering new techniques the more I played. If there’s still a place for boxing-style motion control fighting games, then I hope Arms finds its audience. It deserves a shot.

But the most welcome surprise was Snipperclips: Cut It Out Together, a novel co-operative puzzle game which is probably not too dissimilar to many indie titles that play on a central device – changing colours, perspectives, sizes, etc. – but wins you over with its expressive art style. The goal is to move colourful shapes around the play area to solve puzzles as a team, but you can also snip out parts of each other in order to better fit in place. It’s a good laugh trying to nail the tasks at hand, snipping the wrong chunk off a shape or bouncing on your teammate’s head or balancing a teetering pencil on top of each other, but the cheeky faces the shapes pull and their dancing little feet made me chuckle a lot. If you’ve got someone to play with at home, this could end up being your favourite of the bunch.

Overall, it was a well-organised and enjoyable event. Even when attending the late Sunday session and after a long weekend, the staff were excellent, remaining informative, friendly and enthusiastic, despite no doubt having to explain the controls and sit through the same demos over and over again. That tickets were limited meant I pretty much got to play everything I wanted (the biggest queues were for Zelda – as you got a good chunk of gameplay – and for Snipperclips – as only two set-ups available), and the complimentary food and drink and freebies were nice touches. There are still many questions unanswered about Nintendo Switch, and with not long to go before its release, how much will only become evident once people start to take them home is unclear, but I was generally satisifed with my first hands-on with the new machine.

LIVE REVIEW: Celebrating David Bowie, 8th January 2017

The climax of "Heroes" - yes, from a bit way back

The climax of “Heroes” – yes, from a bit way back

I didn’t do a best of 2016 post on this blog this year (you can get a Spotify playlist here, and check out my Letterboxd list for films if you like), as it just seemed too hard to try and put into words everything that happened when the past twelve months were overshadowed. I was one of those types who responded with the news of David Bowie’s death that Monday morning by listening to his music back-to-back on the radio, eyes filled with tears. From such great lows came the highs of finding solace but also joy in his extensive – and right-up-to-the-moment – catalogue of music (few other artists could fill the airwaves for so long with such a variety of music, not just his own work, but artists with which he collaborated, produced, championed), and getting to be part of the grassroots GlastonBowie tribute at the Glastonbury Festival last year.

And then came the announcement of the Celebrating David Bowie concerts. With the promise of key members of Bowie’s touring band and frequent collaborators, taking place in his birthplace of Brixton, and on what would have been his 70th birthday, it would be as appropriate a tribute as could be mustered. But it was unclear what shape or form it would take beyond “Bowie People Performing Bowie Music Bowie Style”? In the end, it was very much a big old birthday bash, often ramshackle and free-wheeling but heartfelt and sincere – and all for a good fund-raising cause, Children & The Arts.

With longest-serving member present (and de facto MC) Mike Garson performing a piano overture to begin, when the first singer appeared on stage, I had a heart flutter. Was that DAVID BOWIE? Alive?! A micro-second later, reality kicked in, and then it became apparent it was none other than Gary Oldman. But dressed in attire not a million-miles-away from Bowie’s recent sartorial choices, in a fetching hat/glasses/scarf combo, and with a passing resemblance from afar, for a brief moment, it was like Bowie had joined us. Appropriate then that Oldman was singing a rather decent acoustic version of Dead Man Walking. The show then kicked off in earnest, leading to almost three hours of Bowie…without Bowie.

I mean, come on, it does look a bit like him.

I mean, come on, it does look a bit like him.

Given its rotating roster of performers on stage and perhaps lack of time for rehearsal, it was an audio technician’s nightmare, and the sound mix was indeed mixed. At different points, backing vocals overpowered lead vocals, strings were seen but not heard, and Sound and Vision made me wonder some times about whether they should’ve even bothered. Bowie himself didn’t always stick to the album inlay when it came to lyrics, so the odd swapped or repeated line was forgiven, but sometimes the guest vocalists completely lost their hold on the songs, the band having to play around them until they caught up or brought things to a halt. In these instances, Bowie’s absence and the lack of a leader was most pronounced, having hoped for at least some visual representation of him on screen or banner, if not even isolated vocals for at couple numbers (it didn’t help that special guests were barely introduced – hence having to look up the names of most of the non-super-famous or Bowie band regulars after the fact). Poor La Roux looked the part, and danced a neat dance, but ended up stranded in the loops of Golden Years. Bernard Fowler’s Rebel Rebel was a shaky start, but he made up for it with solid renditions of Diamond Dogs and Stay. For the big sing-a-longs of Life on Mars? and Starman, Tom Chaplin of Keane and Mr Hudson respectively probably were thankful for the crowd’s contribution lest they ended up similarly muted.

There were some great moments from the vocalists though, reminding us that as great as Bowie was as a performer, there’s much to savour in other interpretations of his work. Fishbone’s Angelo Moore made the biggest play for borrowing (not stealing) Bowie’s crown, not through mimicry in any sense, but by channeling Bowie’s approach to weirdo theatricality via Screamin’ Jay Hawkins and/or Baron Samedi, offered hugely entertaining renditions of Moonage Daydream and Ashes to Ashes. Gaby Moreno’s Five Years was an early highlight, while Holly Palmer added a hint of smokiness to Lady Grinning Soul, rendering it positively Bond theme-ian, as well as a haunting rendition of Where Are We Now?, the only (somewhat disappointingly, but understandably) contribution from this century. Otherwise, the setlist was representative and comprehensive as one could realistically expect, though ending the encore on Under Pressure seemed to dilute the theme of the evening just a touch. The big guns as far as guests came were Duran Duran’s Simon Le Bon leading Let’s Dance – a decent match of singer to song (and period of Bowie’s career) – while Spandau Ballet’s Tony Hadley’s Changes was near faultless. Though it was Def Leppard’s Joe Elliott who seemed to make the most of his appearances, great versions of All The Young Dudes and Suffragette City (the first song Def Leppard ever performed together apparently, factoid fans).

But the real stars were the Bowie band, and when those big rocking numbers came, they delivered. Earl Slick relished his guitar solos, Garson’s piano a driving force as much as responsible for those wonderful melodies, and much applause offered for Gail Ann Dorsey’s contributions on bass as well as vocals – especially Young Americans and Space Oddity. It was the love for these magnificent musicians and the shared love of everyone in the room for Bowie and his music that really made the occasion feel special and charged the atmosphere. When the sound was operating at full capacity, the crowd were singing, and the band were rocking, it felt like the best shot anyone gathered would have to experiencing a Bowie concert once more – or for the first time, in my experience in any case.